The Dream Job Illusion: Creating More Fulfilling Work Through Honesty
I loathe the term, concept and phrase “dream job.”
Take this headline that I recently read in an article published by the Globe and Mail, “I walked away from my dream job for motherhood.”
I found the piece by Amberly McAteer touching, thoughtful and well written with just the right amount of self-awareness and vulnerability. The author unpacked one of those all-too-human moments of tough choices in a way that allowed readers in--regardless of whether you’ve experienced this exact set of circumstances.
I wish there were more of this kind of writing out there: invitational, caring, careful and cautiously wise. Dare I say it: nuanced. Yet, I found myself having a broader thought from this piece. It’s one I’ve had before: no one “quits a dream job.”
Why? Because there’s no such thing as a dream job in the first place.
It’s a false framing of what work is supposed to be.
What’s worse, as a coach, I’ve come to see the framing of “I should have pursued/quit my dream job” as having genuinely harmful effects. This is especially true of how some younger workers view themselves, their value, and their successes at work.
Living in the ‘Ideal’ Mindset is Living the Harmful Mindset
“Dream job” is referenced these days ubiquitously. It’s among the most corrosive world-of-work ideas that have surfaced over the last decade.
Since the beginning of human history, people have laboured. Of course, what we’ve done, and what we’ve called work, and workplaces, has evolved since the industrial revolution. But, to oversimplify, we’ve exchanged our time, skills, experience, brawn and/or brains, education and training, for some kind of compensation...for a very long time.
Here’s my issue: the notion that we all should have, or be pursuing, our own “dream job” puts a social media perfection filter on something that is not an end state.
A job, a career, a workplace, heck one’s overall life, is not a static thing. There are phases, changes, gives and takes, ebbs and flows that only make narrative sense to your life over the long haul and in the rearview mirror. Sometimes awful roles are the best teachers. Sometimes the promotion you strove so hard for, gets you restructured out. Sometimes you agree to do a job “just for the money” and find out it’s what you were looking for all along.
Breaking Down the Dream Job Illusion
There's no such thing as a dream job. What I (gently) say to my clients who confess to wanting a dream job is to stop putting all that heavy onus on your paycheck, your title, your boss, your employer, on yourself. If I’m pushing someone hard, I might even ask: is this really about the job, or is it how you’d like people to perceive you?” Even McAteer betrays a touch of this when she admits: “It was a title I cherished, and one I really enjoyed sharing with people when they asked me what I did for a living.”
Look, we all have some of this. It’s normal. But I’ve seen how framing your whole self-worth in this way can take its toll.
Work is work. It’s about how you show up. About how you learn. How you grow. How you contribute. How much value do you create? It’s about the relationships that you build. It’s about your performance. Think verb, not noun; process, not the outcome.
Do this instead: Re-Framing Success at Work
Praying at the altar of “my success equals my dream job” can only ever, eventually, let you down. Instead, why not re-frame that harmful mindset. Ask instead:
What can I still learn from this job?
What might I want to learn in my next role, and where could I find that opportunity?
What could be the next (healthy) risk I could take in my career?
Who (leaders, colleagues) do I need to be around to help me grow?
Which (projects, portfolios) might I take on to push me into (manageable) discomfort?
Why do I really want to head in this direction? And, for whom?
A job is a job. A dream is a dream. If you keep them separate, how might you show up differently? What new experiences could you create for yourself?
You can have so much more freedom to become by dialling back the pressure to be and appear perfect.
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