Have you ever faced a difficult decision that tested your moral compass?

You weigh all options, gather opinions, evidence, run scenarios, and then make the call.

Except …

At the last moment, you pause. ⏸️

You wonder: do I call someone I really trust to run it all through?

One. Last. Time.

Oh, and look. Right on time, your inner critic shows up: why am I dithering? What’s wrong with me?

Here’s the thing.

It’s common and healthy for even seasoned leaders to pause last-minute to double-check their thinking and feelings. There’s a reason why…

Let me tell you a story.

A CEO recently contacted me seeking advice on how to fire a medium-sized client.

Despite having a solid plan in place and being sure it was the right decision, she still called. We talked it all through. At the end, as I expected, she already had a rock solid strategy.

Curious, I asked her why she had wanted to talk it through with me.

“Gut check,” she said. “I needed to make sure my moral compass was well set. Speaking it through with you showed me that it was. That I’m all good.”

Truth is? Ending any relationship (like firing a client) can be challenging. These situations can have high stakes. Even after seeking advice from lawyers, accountants, and other experts, there may still be a missing piece that needs to be addressed.

🧩 That missing piece? It’s you and your values.

You need to ensure they align with your decision and that the story you're telling yourself about it is an honest one.

So, this CEO didn't need my technical help. She wanted me to look for weaknesses in the story she was telling herself. Why? Because a leader’s accountability is heavy, and it’s hers to own.

Her story must be REALLY true, all the way through, if she is going to live comfortably with the consequences—whatever they may be.

Three Ways to Make Better Decisions

To make better decisions and structure stronger relationships in the first place, let me offer you three principles I often use in my coaching practice:

1. Set clear boundaries and make honest agreements upfront. This will help avoid misunderstandings and conflicts down the line.

2. Normalize acceptable conflict by agreeing on how it’ll be dealt with when (not if) it occurs. This will help create a culture of open communication and honesty, enabling everyone to feel comfortable sharing their ideas, opinions, and concerns.

3. Avoid divided loyalties wherever you find them, as this will please no one—least of all you. When you make decisions freely that are in line with your values, you will be more confident in your choices, and your team will respect and trust you more.

My thinking on this topic started on LinkedIn. In the comments to a post I made, US-based healthcare leader David Wild (subscriber here too!) responded to my post with the following, so eloquent, I wanted to share it:

“I’m very interested in the gut check you describe…Saying it out loud forces us to test our own assumptions. I think, often or even frequently, we seek an integrity check. A combination of the check on the story we tell ourself AND the values (sub truths) we hold dear. Those that help form our identity. Are they aligned? Can I justify my decision or behaviour? Is this consistent with the person and leader I want to be?”

Integrity. Values. Identity. Consistency. David’s on point here. These are the bedrock attributes that ought to matter most to us as leaders.

So, remember it's healthy to take care to double-check your thinking and feelings—and ensure they align with your values. That’s what trusted advisors, coaches, and mentors are for.

Even seasoned leaders use them to pause, seek advice, and ensure they are making decisions they can stand behind with deep confidence.