Beware of Trust when Used as a Power Move

The oft-repeated line, that people need to "earn a leader’s trust” is actually a power move.

I’ve come to understand it as code for: there is no relationship here, unless I say so.

We don't earn trust FROM another person. This is backwards.

Trust is granted. We grant trust to a deserving leader.

Three ways to think about trust

1) We CREATE relationships by granting our trust.

It’s an act of good faith. When we grant trust to someone early on, we are saying “I believe in you” and that you will take care of me, and this trust I am offering you.

2) We STRENGTHEN relationships by granting ever more trust.

If someone grants enough trust, over time, it amounts to loyalty. There’s a reserve of it that gets built up. As the natural puts and takes occur, we stay in relationship with the person because, by and large, they’ve taken care of us, and our trust.

3) We LEAVE relationships by withdrawing our trust.

Sometimes we are in a trust deficit for too long. There’s no more that can be granted. Withdrawing our trust, intentionally, or unintentionally, means we choose to leave a relationship. Maybe that is quitting a job. Or, secretly looking for a new job, and going through the motions of working together, without honest trust being in place.

In the end, it’s not about earning someone’s trust.

That’s backwards.

We are free agents. We grant our trust, and we also take it away. Before you withdraw, you have to deposit. 

But, do know, that strong leaders freely offer their trust—abundantly. And they mostly grant it first.